Day after day, I would find myself bent over, slumped upon the ground, sobbing profusely.
My tears would sting and burn my eyes as my body would grow weak and ache all over. I was not at all well. I would cycle through moments of intense fear, cowering and trembling as anxious thoughts would flood my mind. My heart would pound and I would gradually shrink away from any and everyone close to me. Then there would be moments where I would feel utterly numb to the world and everyone around me. I felt hopeless and crushed.
The brightness that once boldly radiated from my eyes had faded away into a dark, dismal, remnant of a dull glow. My heart became increasingly agitated as fearsome thoughts threatened my soul: “Everything is against me. It’s as if everything is plotting my downfall and never ceases in laying traps to ensnare me.”
I would moan and groan from the depths of my soul. Hear my cry! Please, help!
Now, these were merely the symptoms of my sickness. An ancient sickness that I did not know I had.
However, there was one who saw me. One who knew that he could help me. My suffering was not hidden from him.
He lovingly watched and patiently waited on me, telling his friend, “Here I stand, ready and willing to help. I’m not afar off. I’ve shown myself to her time and time again practically shouting, ‘Here I am! I’m right here!’ And yet, she refuses to come to me. She absolutely refuses to call on me.”
He continued, “I have repeatedly extended my help to her, and yet she couldn’t care less. All day long I open my hands to her and yet she constantly strives against me. She’s just too busy – blindly pursuing her own destructive path, inspired by her own toxic desires.”
“She even insults me,” he said, “right to my face. She’ll pay others to help her ‘manifest’ her dreams, try every new and trendy ritual or program out on the market, attend all the popular workshops, and venture out on all the exotic retreats she can. And when I approach her, she mocks me and says, ‘Go away, I’m more spiritually enlightened than you. I don’t need your help!’”
Therefore, as a last resort, he decided to leave me a message. It read:
“I know all the things you’ve tried. And now, you are neither apathetic and cold nor hot with passion. You are lukewarm, confused and paralyzed. You claim, ‘I am well known, sought after, and wealthy. I don’t need anything.’ But I know the truth, the hidden you. You are miserable, helpless, poor in spirit, lost, and defenseless. So here is what I suggest you do: invest your attention in something uniquely pure and truly valuable from me, so that you can be truly rich. I will cover you so that you can fully eradicate all your shame. I will provide you with clarity so that you can see where to go in your life. Allow me to show you how much I truly love and care for you by allowing me to correct the errors you’ve made and redirect you in a better direction. Now pay attention; I am standing at the door of your heart and knocking. If you can hear my voice, open the door that I may come in to visit with you and help you, as I will always be there for you.”
After a brief moment of reflection, I smugly disregarded the message and insisted within myself that I was fine and that I could turn things around myself. I didn’t need his help. In fact, he was most definitely the last one in all the universe that I would ever consider going to for help. What he had to offer was of absolutely no value to me.
So, life went on…until it didn’t.
At this point, I had spent so many days chasing my dreams, traveling, networking, accumulating material things and everything was going well – or so I thought.
I wrestled with my thoughts until I no longer could. I was out of options. I had tried everything else. I had been disappointed by everyone.
“Fine!” I exclaimed, depleted.
“Hear me, God, hear my prayer! Hear my lonely, desperate cry for help. Do not hide from me. My days are filled with anguish; answer me. My days come and go, vanishing like smoke, and I have been burned so badly. My heart is beaten and trampled down like grass withered and scorched in the summer heat. I can’t even eat. My body trembles and shakes. I groan as my body grows weak, barely holding on for dear life. I am all alone in a barren wilderness, lost and lonely at home in the pile of rubble that is my life. I stare at the ceiling, awake in my bed; I am alone and defenseless. Please help me.”
And He responded:
“Blessed are the spiritually poor—the kingdom of heaven is theirs. Blessed are those who mourn—they will be comforted. Blessed are the meek and gentle—they will inherit the earth. Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness—they will be filled. Blessed are the merciful—they will be shown mercy. Blessed are those who are pure in heart—they will see God. Blessed are the peacemakers—they will be called children of God. Blessed are those who are persecuted because of righteousness—the kingdom of heaven is theirs. And blessed are you…”
He explained that, “When the upright need help and cry to the Lord, He hears their cries and rescues them from all of their troubles. When someone is hurting or brokenhearted, the Lord moves in close and revives him in his pain. Hard times may well be the plight of the righteous— they may often seem overwhelmed— but the Lord rescues the righteous from what oppresses them. He will protect all of their bones; not even one bone will be broken…The Lord will liberate His servants; those who seek refuge in Him will never be condemned.”
He asked if I was ready to turn away from pursuing my own self-interests, lay everything down before His feet, and trust and follow Him.
I agreed.
Then He said, “So if you believe deep in your heart that God raised Jesus from the pit of death and if you voice your allegiance by confessing the truth that “Jesus is Lord,” then you will be saved! Belief begins in the heart and leads to a life that’s right with God; confession departs from our lips and brings eternal salvation. Because what Isaiah [the prophet] said was true: “The one who trusts in Him will not be disgraced.” Remember that the Lord draws no distinction between Jew and non-Jew—He is Lord over all things, and He pours out His treasures on all who invoke His name because as Scripture says, “Everyone who calls on the name of the Lord will be saved.”
In summary..
In the midst of my darkest moments, I cried out to God in utter desperation. Then, I waited a long time for Him; He finally knelt down to hear me. He listened to my weak and whispered cry. He reached down and drew me from the deep, dark hole where I was stranded, stuck in the mud of despair.
With a gentle hand, He pulled me out and set me down safely on a firm foundation. He held me until I was steady enough to continue the journey again.
As if that were not enough, because of Him my mind is clearing up. Now I have a new song to sing— a song of praise to the One who saved me. Because of what He’s done, many people have seen and come to trust in the Lord. Surely those who trust the Lord—who don’t trust in proud, powerful people or in people who care little for reality, chasing falsehood and lies —surely they are happy, as I have become.
You have done so many wonderful things, had so many tender thoughts toward me, Lord my God, that go on and on, ever increasing.
Who can compare with You?
The labor of my hands are not what You want, they are not what pleases you. You’ve opened my ears and my heart, and now I understand. So I said, “See, I have come to do Your will, as you stated in your word. I am pleased to live how You want, my God. Your law is etched into my heart and my soul.”
I now encourage Your people with the message of righteousness, in Your great assembly (look and see), I can’t keep quiet about these things; You know this, Lord. I cannot keep Your righteousness to myself, sealed up in the secret places of my heart; instead, I shall boldly tell others how You save and how loyal You are. I won’t be shy to talk about Your love, nor be afraid to tell Your truth before the great assembly of Your people. Please, Lord, don’t hold back Your kind ways from me. I need Your strong love and truth to stand, watch over me and keep me from harm.
Before, I couldn’t see because I was surrounded by troubles; my sins and shortcomings caught up to me, so I was swimming in darkness. Like the hairs on my head, there were too many to count, so my heart deserted me. I cried out, “O Lord, please rescue me. O Lord, hurry; I need Your help.”
May all who look for You discover true joy and happiness in You; May those who cherish how You save them always say, “O Lord, You are great and are first in our hearts.” Apart from You, I am empty and need so much, but I know the Lord is thinking of me. You are my help; only You can save me, my True God.
The ancient sickness that caused all my symptoms was sin. Once my condition was made known to me, I called for the only physician who had a cure.
“12 [Jesus] said to them, “Those who are well have no need of a physician, but those who are sick. 13 But go and learn what this means: ‘I desire mercy and not sacrifice.’ For I did not come to call the righteous, but sinners, to repentance.” (Matt. 9:12-13, NKJV)
This was a fictional monologue inspired by scripture taken from The Voice translation. Scriptures referenced include: Ps. 38:6-12, Is. 65:1-5, Rev. 3:15-20, Luke 15:13-19, Ps. 102:1-7, Matt. 5:3-11, Ps. 34:17-22, Rom. 10:9-13, Ps. 40:1-13, 16-17.
His Word is My Truth 